I Can't Help It
by xxMrsJessieCainexx
Summary: Julia is almost to be let out of the mental correction centre. As she waits for Horatio to collect her, she dreams about when they first met and how much she really needs him to care 3 I suck at summaries but this is my first fanfic so please go easy :P
1. Chapter 1

Julia had been thinking about Horatio non stop now that she was in recovery. She couldn't help herself. He was so persistent. No matter how she pushed him away and told him she didn't need him or want him, he was always there. He always was looking out for her and their son. He was so selfless. She felt obligated to think of him. She didn't want him to think she was insane, in fact, he was the only person who didn't. He came to see her everyday and now that she was improving (and soon to be let out) she was sure he would be there to see her out. She lay back on her bed and thought of the time they had spent together almost 18 years ago. Closing her eyes and grinning she remembered him. The way it had all started.

OoOo FLASH BACK oOoO

Julia was a busy nurse that day in Pensacola. There had been an attack and a lot of people were severely injured. She was only a junior nurse so she couldn't help as much as she would've liked to. As she followed a gurney with a bleeding man atop it, her chief nurse pushed her back.

"Not you, Eberly. You don't have enough training." She said. God, Julia hated her.

"Enough what? You need all hands-" the chief nurse cut across her.

"I said no. Their is a patient who was only grazed by a bullet in there," Julia followed her gaze into a room to her left, "redress his bandages and try not to injure him further." Julia glared after her and reluctantly walked to the open door. Her eyes fell upon a man who was facing away from her. He was muscled and had impressive red hair. She couldn't take her eyes off of him. She let out a small cough to alert him to her presence and he turned around.

"Oh, hello." He greeted with a smile. Julia could barely smile back. He was so breathtakingly handsome and had bright blue eyes. His voice was soft and low like velvet. Julia approached him.

"Where's your graze?" She asked nervously. The man showed his is strong right arm, there was and old bandage around it but blood had started to pool out from under it. She removed the bandage slowly and it slid of as the blood had compromised the adhesive. The man didn't flinch, but she could feel his glowing eyes watching her every move.

"What's your name?" He asked with his velvety voice.

"Julia, Julia Eberly." She answered, looking at him as she reached over his lap to dispose of the bandage.

"Well, Julia, Julia Eberly, I'm John Walden." The man whispered with a smile. Julia chuckled at the joke as she cleared up the blood and analysed the wound.

"This is why it won't stop bleeding." Julia said, grabbing some tweezers and plucking something out. Both she and John looked at it for a while. "The bullet left a frag behind. It was still cutting into your flesh." Julia explained, disposing of the fragment and sponging the wound with a wet surgical sponge. She felt John's eyes penalising her every move. Smiling as she wrapped new dressing around his muscular arm, she spoke.

"Why are you watching me, John Walden?" She asked. She leaned over him again to replace the scissors and dressing back on the tray, and paused to look into his scorching blue eyes.

"It's because you're very pretty, Julia Eberly." He whispered, soft and slow. She turned away, grinning and blushing. John's hand, soft as silk, turned it back towards him. "You have green eye and one brown eye." He mused aloud. Julia nodded and turned her attention back to the newly dressed wound. She taped it and kissed it once, just for good measure. Them she gave John back his arm and looked at him. He winked at her and drew nearer, their lips almost meeting. Then he got up and walked to the door. At first Julia was disappointed because she thought that he was leaving but he closed the door and walked back to her. He sat opposite her and she sighed as she tidied away her things. His eyes were religiously trained on her the whole time. The attention made her so nervous that she got clumsy and dropped her purse on the floor. As she scrambled to retrieve the contents, John also got to his knees and helped.

"Thank you." She smiled. John looked at a photo of a young girl with her smiling parents. The distinctive eye colour difference told him that the young girl was Julia. When she saw him looking, she snatched the picture away and replaced it in the purse and hurried to collect her other things so that she could leave.

"Are they your parents?" John asked.

"No, they're no one." Julia snapped, heading for the door.

"What happened?" He asked again, is voice filled with concern.

"Nothing," she said tears prickling in her eyes.

"Please don't go, Julia." He begged. She halted, his voice so panicked and soft that it coaxed her to stay. Withdrawing her hand from the door handle she turned to John. She nodded and rejoined him on the medical bed. They sat next to each other and Julia quickly wiped away a tear.

"What happened." Came John's amazing voice again.

"Well, m-my dad killed my mom after he'd been drinking, and he ended up mad. He killed himself in a mental asylum last year." She stuttered, "I keep this photograph to remind me that things weren't always like that."

"Me too." John muttered. He reached into a pocket and pulled out a picture of two boys with their parents. "That's me with my parents and my brother Raymond." He pointed him out, "my dad killed my mom. I tried to save her but it only made things worse."

"What happened?" Julia asked, John chuckled at the joke.

"Let's just say I intervened on the situation and her killer ended up dead." He whispered.

"Oh." Was all Julia could say, she turned her attention back to the photo, "your brother looks just like you."

"Yeah, he does." John smiled sadly. Then the door was opened and the chief nurse stood there.

"Eberly, out, now! Don't just lay around we need help." She said before leaving. Julia sighed, knowing it wasn't worth the fight.

"Goodbye, John Walden." She said. He handed her back her purse.

"I hope not." He said with the sweetest smile Julia had ever seen. She nodded, grinning like an idiot and left with her purse. Later that night she was with her room mate Kimberley Dalton in their cabin and she was looking through her purse. Kimberley was reading a letter from her fiancé Edward Swann. Julia saw how happy she was. She knew that soon, Kimberley would be having her baby and would be sent home, but right now they were so short on nurses that she had to stay at 4 months. Plus she knew she would've refused to go. She was good like that. Julia watched as Kimberley put down the letter and rubbed her belly grinning.

"What's the word from home?" She asked.

"Eddie says that the moment our child is born he will whisk us away and marry me." Kimberley giggled. Julia smiled.

"That's great." She said.

"OK, what's on your mind?" Kimberley asked. She was great at reading people.

"I- I met this gorgeous guy today. John Walden, do you know him?" Julia inquired.

"I know of him," Kimberley answered, "all the guys I've treated say he's the ultimate good guy. Last week he risked his life to save children of the enemy and two days ago he-" as Kimberley spoke, Julia lost herself in all the wonderful things this man had done. How truly brilliant he must be. One hand still in her purse, she felt something that wasn't hers in the bottom. It was a piece of paper. She with drew it and read the writing on it. Meet me in tent 309 at midnight, John. Julia grinned excitedly and held the note to her chest. She turned to Kimberley.

"Kimmy, can you cover for me?" She asked. Kimberley, who had been interrupted in her stories, nodded and watched confused as Julia practically danced out of the door. She weaved her way through the guards around her and found tent 309. She slipped three fingers through the gap and whispered.

"John, it's Julia." The tent flap opened, revealing John's handsome face. His blue eyes shone in the moonlight.

"And 15 minutes early." He chuckled. She laughed too then they heard some guards.

"What was that? Its coming from this tent row." John pulled a panicking Julia into the tent like lightning and laid her under the covers he laid down on top of her, shielding her from view. He breath became ragged as John's bare chest's contact on her aroused her. He put a finger to her lips and she complied to his wishes, being quiet as if she were under his spell. The guards lifted away the tent flap and John put his head over Julia's, lips inches from each other. John closed his eyes but Julia kept hers wide open, fixed on John. The guards soon left and John's eyes opened. He looked down on Julia and tenderly moved some hair from her face. She was so in awe of this man that she couldn't even move. Her eyes were just transfixed upon his dazzling blue ones. After a while, he must have thought that she was uncomfortable so he made to get off of her. That woke Julia up. She forced he back on top of her and kissed him hungrily. She could feel him smile against her lips and she opened her mouth and invited him in. Their tongues met, fighting for dominance. She ran her delicate fingers up and down his bare abdomen. She felt him groan; a low rumble in the back of her throat. They broke free of each other for just a moment to catch their breath and John's hands found her face. Kisses landing all around her cheeks and jawline.

"Mm, Julia." He muttered. That was probably the sweetest thing she had ever heard. Her fingers slipped through his stunning red hair as he kissed her over and over. A moan escaped her lips. It was odd. She barely knew this man yet she longed for him to touch her, to feel him close to her. She loved the feel of his bare skin and his scent. He smelled amazing. Like sandalwood and musk. They clawed at each other, stripping off each others clothing with so much haste that in a matter of minutes they were both naked. The close space to which they were confined made it more heated than ever and desire for the other filled each of them. Julia groaned in pleasure as John kissed her chest and rubbed her abdomen. He moved inside her, causing her to cry out. John pressed his lips to hers to silence her. Julia could've stayed this way forever, in the perfect sanctuary, before John rolled off of her and laid down beside her. It was incredibly cold without him there, so she snuggled into him, longing for his contact once more.

"John." she whispered. John gently kissed the top of her head affectionately. "John, I need you," she whispered again, "don't leave me, don't tell me this is just a one time thing."

"It's not a one time thing if you don't want it to be, Julia." he said in a low rumble, "You can stay as long as you want." Julia let out a small, elated whimper and showered John's chest with kisses before resting her head on it. John snuggled her into him, so tight Julia honestly thought she was invincible. She would always want this man. Feeling so safe she gently dropped her eyelids and fell into a deep sleep, knowing that in the morning her life would still be that much better.


	2. Chapter 2

The next morning, Julia turned over to find that John was gone. He had left a note on the side on the tent. She plucked it from the canvas. It was folded and read 'Julia'. Unfolding it slowly, she read it in a whisper to herself, as if she needed proof that this was all really happening.

_Dear Julia,_

_I got called out early this morning and didn't want to wake you. See you again tonight? I'll find you later. Have a good day, beautiful._

_John_

Julia smiled and kissed the note. It smelled just like him. She suddenly realise just how cold it was and threw her clothes back on. According to her watch she had less than an hour to be ready for work. Checking outside the camp-site for any security, she realised that this was an all-hands-on-deck raid and ran straight across towards the nurses cabins.

As she tumbled through the door of her own cabin, she screamed a little as she had petrified Kimberley and her reaction had scared Julia in turn. She laughed a little, relieved that it was Kimmy and not someone unsavoury like the chief nurse. She went into the next room and showered and changed within a matter of minutes, not knowing that Kimmy was ransacking her old clothes and reading the note. When Julia came out in fresh clothes and caught her, both of them burst out in fits of ecstatic laughter. Kimberley asked her friend what was going on.

"Julia, what is it with you and this guy." she smiled, revising the note again.

"Well we went to meet each other and we kind of- erm..." she trailed off.

"Had sex!" squealed Kimberley. Julia shushed her but nevertheless giggled too. She sighed happily and put the note in her purse.

"This is so sweet." Kimberley smiled, "This guy has had 9 months to pick any woman here. Almost every woman that is here has a thing for him, and he's picked you!" she finished excitedly again.

"I know." Julia said quietly, "he is amazing." They both giggled before the door was flung open and the head nurse was glaring in on them.

"Dalton, Eberly! Where have you been? Call time was half an hour ago." she snapped before leaving without shutting the door. Both girls let out a frustrated sigh as they grabbed their purses and left for duty.

They were both still grinning madly when they got to the infermery. But their grins soon faded when they saw their work load. Their were many civilian casualties that needed to be attended to before they could be sent to a safe place. Julia was sent across the other side of the room to Kimberley, so any hope of talking about her strange situation seemed to be gone. She got stationed to care for an old woman named Doris Hamilton who had suffered a bullet wound to the abdomen. She had survived the shot, and the bleeding had been controlled but she was being checked for any further signs of injury. She smiled kindly at Julia when she saw her approaching.

"Are you my new nurse?" she asked. Julia smiled back and nodded.

"You're a pretty one." the woman commented. Julia giggled softly and tended to her redressing. She was good at redressing bandages. She couldn't help thinking about John. Her face must've reflected what she was thinking as the old woman picked it up.

"I know that face." she said knowingly.

"What face?" asked Julia.

"Come off it, sweetheart. Who's the fella?" she questioned. _I can't seem to get away from these reading types_ Julia thought, sighing as she did so.

"He's one of the task force workers." she answered, knowing that no one would probably believe her if she did tell as she had Altzheimer's. Then again maybe that made her the perfect person to talk to about it.

"I see. My husband was in the navy." she smiled.

"What was his name?" asked Julia, trying to start up a proper conversation.

"His name was John, John Hamilton, of course." Doris said, still grinning mindlessly.

"Mine's called John too. John Walden." Julia smiled.

"Oh, what a coincidence." the old woman said.

Then she started to ramble about her John and what he was like before his untimely death in the services and how he never met their child and how he used to sing to her and how he used to send her flowers when he was away. By this point, Julia thought she might as well give up tying to talk about her John until-

"What's your John like, darling?" the old woman finished her rant.

"Oh," Julia said, honestly astonished and rather glad that that was over, "well he- he's very brave, very good. He has this red hair which, when it catches the sunlight, shines a hundred different shades. He has these bright blue eyes and it's almost like they can see through a person, no matter who they are or what they have to hide." the explained, Doris nodding along all the way. _He would've made a great cop _Julia thought to herself, at the time not realising the irony of what she was saying. Doris beamed on her.

"He sounds most remarkable." she said.

"I suppose he is." Julia grinned as she listened to yet another of Doris's tales about her adventures with 'her John'.

At the end of their shifts, Kimberley and Julia went back to their cabin and read the note over and over again.

"What does 'see you again to night question mark' really mean?" she asked Kimberley.

"I don't know, it could be 'I might see you again tonight but I'm quite busy' or 'I might see you tonight if I come back' or 'I want to see you tonight it you want to.'" Kimberley listed. Julia shook her head.

"It could mean anything." she sighed, "but I hope that it's that last one." she added with a grin. Kimberley smiled at her friend's new found happiness. She had been very cold when she had first met her, and now, in a day it's like she had taken on a completely new personality. She knew she had to thank John for that if ever she got the chance. Her train of thought was interrupted their, though, by a sharp knock on the cabin door. Julia and Kimberley looked at each other, confused before Julia went to answer it. She opened the door, and the first this she saw was a bright blue shimmer in the moonlight. She was looking into the eyes of John Walden. He smiled at her.

"Oh, hi." she smiled brightly. Kimberley, who was still in the room, knew immediately who it was. Julia returned into the room with the handsome red head at her side.

"Hi, you must be John." Kimberley said, approaching the new comer and shaking his hand, "I'm Kimberley Dalton."

"Nice to meet you, Kimberley." John said, shaking her hand vigorously. She looked over at Julia knowingly, and then turned back to John.

"Actually, sorry to be a nusense but I was just off to see Helen in the next cabin. She still has that thing she borrowed and I need it back." she directed the next bit at Julia, who was all to aware that she was talking rubbish, "Nice to meet you John, see you later Julia." Kimberley finishes as she bounced out of the cabin. Julia rolled her eyes.

"She's nice. A bit high- spirited if that." John chuckled.

"I think it's her being pregnant." Julia said, "she never used to be that uppity." she laughed.

"I wanted to know if you'd like to come for a walk with me." John asked sweetly, his fabric voice putting its spell once more onto Julia. She complied immediately, taking his outstretched hand and gazing into the deep blue eyes on his tilted head, smiling. He pulled her into him and they left together.


	3. Chapter 3

**Good to know that you have kept on reading, for future reference, the story We're Nothing Without or Teen Cop by GREX101 has a character called Darcy Swann in it. The baby that Kimberley is carrying that is Edward Swann's is her. DW I'm not copywriting either, she Okayed it **** please review**

As they left through the darkening base, Julia gripped John's hand tightly. They walked together into a native village which had that feeling. The one that just makes you feel for your own safety you shouldn't be there. They passed a grizzly looking group of locals and, although American, looked somehow foreign and harmful. Julia snugged her head into John's side and he took one protective arm and wrapped it around her. She honestly felt so shielded by it that nothing and no one could ever harm her here. Closing her eyes for a moment and breathing him in, they turned a corner and she could smell the rich odour of fresh water. When she opened her eyes, she saw that they had reached their destination. Her eyes had to be lying to her. She was in the most beautiful place in the world. It amazed her that amidst all this chaos, there could be a place like this. She left John's grip and stepped forward, taking it all in. The pool was crystal clear and the moon sat like a spotlight right in the centre. Willows on the banks wept their branches into the water. It had such simple beauty that it's almost although the rest of the world had disappeared.

"Oh, John." Julia sighed as he joined her again. He walked her around the edge of the water until they came to a little wooden jetty sticking out from the bank. They sat there in silence for a while when John started to remove his shirt. At first, Julia was shocked, then she realised he was going to get in the water. Her eyes were totally transfixed on the beauty of this man, his sculpted arms and muscular chest. He slipped down from the jetty and the water lapped around his shoulders, then, for a moment, he disappeared as the water engulfed him. When he resurfaced, he was right in front of Julia. He looked up at her and then began kissing up and down her legs. Julia relished every little contact of his wet lips on her legs. He tugged a little, beckoning her in too. She complied, unbuttoning her nurse's shirt and pulling off her skirt. In her underwear also, she slid into the water with him. She wrapped her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist. He moved them both around in circles before dropping her and splashing her. She giggled and played along. Tiny little waves were thrown at each of them until John raised his hands in surrender and Julia giggled. He beckoned again and began swimming out towards the other side of the water. Julia followed, still completely at his will. They swam to a coven created by the willow branches. They had fallen around so that they were housed by a roof of willow. Julia had no idea how this man had this control on her, but she was falling for him, there was no denying that. As she leaned into him, she heard his velvet voice.

"Julia, why did you come with me?"

Julia didn't know the answer to this question straight away, but after a moment's deliberation, she knew exactly.

"Because I trust you." She said simply. John smiled on her, apparently that was exactly the answer he had wanted.

"My turn to ask you a question now, John." Julia told him. John smiled and nodded for her to continue. "How on earth did you get me to sleep with you yesterday, and come here today without being the slightest bit worried about the fact I hardly know you?" she asked honestly.

"I think you already answered that question." John said with a knowing smirk. Julia thought for a moment, and then realised.

"Because I trust you." She sighed in realisation. She beamed at him, and he smiled back, making her insides melt.

"Don't you trust a lot of people?" John asked. Julia shook her head and looked out at the open water, the full moon gleaming in the centre.

"After my mothers' death I went to live with foster parents. I never trusted them. They always wanted to know where I was going, who I was going with, where I worked, where I hung around, and I if I told them, they didn't seem all to bothered about it." She explained.

"It doesn't seem like they trust you all that much either." John chuckled. Julia giggled and nodded in agreement.

"I always found it hard to trust people after that." Julia looked down, and then looked into John's brilliant eyes, "But I trust you, John."

"With right reason." John said, "Anything you tell me, I will keep to myself and never tell another living soul." A tear ran down the side of Julia's face. John wiped it away and then kissed the spot where it had been. The knots in Julia's stomach forced her eyes shut. She was falling hard for this man. She felt like she could pour her whole heart out to him and everything she said would remain safe and untold. As he pulled away, she looked into his eyes. She could see her reflection in them; herself in the image of the brightest sky blue. Her eyes fluttered shut again as John moved in and captured her lips. She reacted and opened her mouth, letting him in. He tasted the same, absolutely exquisite. His tongue moved around her mouth with unknown skill. A slippery circuit around her tongue, and up and down the wet sides of her cheeks. She ran her wet fingers through his hair and with a splash he hoisted her up onto the bank. He put one hand either side of her and leaned up to continue kissing her, his skin was gentle, if not slightly slippery. Julia ran her hands up and down his sides, succeeding in pulling a moan from his lips. She smirked against his mouth, knowing that she was exciting him. With another splash, and one fluid movement, he hoisted himself out of the water and down on top of her without breaking the kiss. The feel of his bare chest on her sent another spark of electricity through her. He had coaxed a groan from her as they parted and he looked down on her. He stroked her cheek. His velvety voice like heaven to her ears.

"I don't want to take advantage of you, Julia." He whispered, "I don't want you to think this is the only reason I'm here with you."

"I trust you, John." She sighed beautifully. John smiled and kissed her again. Then he moved down her neck, feeling her breath catch as he moved his lips down her throat. Julia's hands traced up and down his back and she gasped when he began kissing her breasts. She couldn't believe how far he held her under. He gently put one hand under the small of her back and hoisted her up a little so he could unclasp and remove her bra.

"You're so beautiful." He said, moving a hand gently down her abdomen and looking down on all of her. She reached up and caressed his cheek, then reached behind his neck and pulled him back down on top of her. He kissed her neck softly and moved back down to her breasts, his teeth gently grazing her nipple. She gasped in delight. He traced his tongue down he abdomen until he reached her panties. Removing them slowly, he kissed the inside of her thighs. Julia lay still with her eye closed as he pleasured her, touching all her tender spots with his tongue. She panted a gasped every time his tongue rolled over her pulsing core. Her head rolled around, she couldn't think straight. He was wiping her mind of all things bad or worrying. She felt him take off is boxers and sighed deeply as he pushed into her slowly. Suddenly, his mouth was back on hers. She wouldn't usually make love to anyone outside on a lake bed, but she would do this anywhere with John. This man couldn't just be a Special Task Force worker; he had to be an angel. He did everything softly, gently and filled with compassion. She couldn't imagine him every harming another person. Inside her mind she hoped this could be the start of everyday of her life. She prayed and prayed for him to love her. She wanted this man forever, and wanted him to want her, too.


	4. Chapter 4

**Good to know that you haven't given up on me yet haha **** here's another chapter for you, my lovely readers. Please review. **

Exhausted, Julia had collapsed on top of John and fallen asleep. John lay her down gently and got dressed. He dressed her without waking her and picked her up bridal style. He carried her through the town, cuddling her close to his chest to make sure he had her safe from harm. He was falling hard for this girl. She was different, more complex than any other woman he had ever been involved with. He longed to tell her everything. That he was an undercover cop. That his real name was Horatio Caine. How he really felt about her. She had no idea that she was making his mind this chaotic, she just lay there sleeping in his arms like an angel. Pretty as a picture. As he reached the campsite, he went back to Julia's cabin and laid her down on the bed. He thought he could leave and get back to his tent when the cabin light was switched on. John turned around back to face the room and saw Kimberley there looking at him. She was smiling.

"Hello, John." She greeted quietly. He nodded and smiled in greeting.

"Not going to write another note?" she asked, giggling. She shook her head and got back into bed. John scribbled down a note and left it by Julia's bed before turning off the light, bidding Kimberley goodnight and leaving the cabin.

The next morning, Julia woke up and wondered if it had all been some wonderful dream. The way he had touched her and the way her heart had spilled from her chest. She kept on thinking it through until she saw a piece of paper on the bedside table. She scrambled for it clumsily and read it in her head.

_Dear Julia,_

_I took you home last night but I didn't want to wake you. Thank you for the amazing time. I will look for you again tomorrow. Have a great day, beautiful._

_John._

Happy tears cascaded from Julia's eyes and she help the small piece of paper to her chest. It _had_ happened. He had spent the night making love to her in that beautiful fantasy place. She knew it couldn't have been a dream, it had felt so real. She put the note with the other one in her bedside drawer and shook Kimberley awake.

"Kimmy, Kimmy get up." She couldn't hold back the happy tears and the laughter. Kimberley got up reluctantly and sat on the side of the bed with Julia. She was soon wide awake when she saw Julia's wide smile and happy tears.

"Oh my God, what happened?" she asked, suddenly excited and wide awake.

"I- I think I'm falling in love with him!" Julia almost screamed, more happy tears dripping from her eyes as she did. Kimberley's mouth hung open. These two people had known each other for two days and now Julia was falling in love with him? Impossible. She hugged her friend, but still felt like she needed to wait a little while longer.

"Julia, how are you sure you love him?" she asked as Julia pulled away, her face suddenly hard.

"I never said that, I said I was _falling_ in love with him." She snapped. An early sign of the bipolar.

"OK, I'm just concerned." Kimberley said, raising her hands. Julia calmed, Kimberley had a way of doing that. "Let's just talk about him. What's the age difference?"

"He's 9 years older than me, but I don't care." Julia said, sounding very sure of herself and what she was saying.

"What about him, what's he really like?" Kimberley questioned.

"He's compassionate, trustworthy, he has the same family background as me, he's a great listener, not to mention he's breathtakingly handsome. He's kind and his eyes, God his eyes. It's not just me is it? They're just so blue." Julia listed, gazing off into the distance as she trailed off. Kimberley clicked in front of her eyes to bring her back down to Earth. Julia focussed back on her friend. They both got caught up in fits of giggles before getting ready for work and heading down to the infirmary. She headed over to Doris Hamilton and looked after her.

"Hello, darling." The old lady smiled, "Where am I?" she asked, the Alzheimer's confusing her.

"You're in the infirmary on the Special Task Force base in Pensacola, and you're going really well." Smiled Julia. The woman shook her head as her memory returned.

"Oh, yes. Silly old woman. I have these gaps you see." She explained. "How are things with your John?" she said at the end. Julia was amazed that she had remembered that conversation.

"They're great, thank you for asking." Julia grinned and the old woman beamed at her.

"And I should hope so too. You're definitely a pretty girl, my love, and I'm sure from what you've told me, this John is quite wonderful." She sighed.

"He is." Julia whispered, not in particular to the old woman, "He is, I would say, fairly fabulous."

Later that day, Julia took a stroll around the infirmary with Kimberley for their lunch break. They never ate in a room with the other nurses because they both hated the cigarette smoke. Kimberley had one hand resting on her baby bump. Julia looked at her rubbing it constantly and wondered what it was like. She knew that Kimberley already had one daughter, Danielle. She must be quite lucky to have a fiancé and a child, but then again, Julia wouldn't know. They were just laughing and talking about their usual things when they heard a mighty explosion from the task force training ground. The terror gripped Julia suddenly. She wondered whether or not John was OK. It was about half an hour before gurneys of the injured were being wheeled into the infirmary. Kimberley and Julia put their uniforms on again, faster than she ever had changed in her life. All the nurses lined up on the sides of the entrance, two at a time assigned to a gurney. Julia's world moved in slow motion as she checked all the passing stretchers for the unmistakable red hair of the man who was too wonderful for words. Suddenly, she was separated from Kimberley and whisked away with a patient. She tried her hardest to stay focussed and help the man bleeding in front of her but she felt helpless and weak not knowing whether or not John was OK, or even alive. _No_ she thought_ I can't think like that. John must be alright. He has to be!_

After the chaos had surpassed, she met Kimberley in the hallway. She was tearstained and hesitant. Julia hugged her friend, but still didn't know what was wrong. Kimberley didn't respond, but started crying again.

"Hey, what's the matter?" Julia asked.

"You need to see this." She said, taking her hand and leading her to the station in which she had been working after Julia had left. Julia walked to the bed.

"After you left, this was the man I was assigned to." Kimberley stuttered between soft little sobs. Julia closed her eyes, not wanting to see what her mind told her she had to be ready for. Sure enough, when she looked down, she saw a man on the bed. His hair was unmistakably red and his face was gentle, even in his sleep. But his face wasn't the problem; his hip had been hit with a heavy amount of shrapnel. The shrapnel had been removed and his hip replaced; he was going to be fine. But he was under anaesthetics and his breathing was deep and his chest rose and fell jaggedly. Julia couldn't hold in the pain. Her mind swam with images on her and John the night before. Her head rolling as it had on the lake bed as he pleasured her. She couldn't take it in.

"No." was all she could get out before she collapsed then and there, clean out.

A while after, her eyes opened to see Kimberley's panicked brown ones looking on her. She had done her best to sit her on the chair beside John's bed. Julia shook her head. She couldn't look at him like this. She hated the enemy for what they had done to John. Her John. Kimberley tried to get her up to take her get help but Julia was on the defensive. She struggled and pushed, screaming.

"No! No I'm not leaving him!" she cried. Kimberley, who was taken aback by Julia's violence, left her next to John and left herself. Julia sat on the chair again and slipped her hand into his. Is was strangely cold. His hands were always warm. They had been when had handed her back the contents on her purse, when he had held her in his tent, when he had led her through the town, when he was between her legs…

Julia flinched away from the memory and clasped his hand tighter. She leaned over him and stroked his face with her free hand.

"Please be OK." She whispered. "I'm not going to leave you. I'm going to be here, John."

She waited there for him to wake up for hours. She never left him for anything, to eat or drink nothing. The night came quickly, but Julia didn't notice. Her eyes were trained on John's gentle sleeping face. Hoping and hoping she would see his beautiful eyes open, weakened her will to keep hers open. They slid shut without her being conscious enough to notice and her head gently flopped onto John's chest. The sight would've been quite a sweet one to see, if anyone at all had been there to see it.


End file.
